I read an article about a family that lost a 5 year old daughter. Several things really resonated my own experience and where I see myself now.
I became a mother – for 17-1/2 years it’s what defined who I was.
I had a vision of what would be possible for my daughter and myself: for her going to college, finding true love, be all she could be; and for me, seeing something I created experience life, getting married, planning a wedding with her, helping her with her babies, etc.
When you lose your child, your only child – all those future plans and hopes are lost too.
Like this author I struggle to find meaning, to work, to write, to read, to make any type of decisions.
Why….because after nearly 50 years of living a life – I no longer know who I am or what I am to become.
What I do know….life is too short…..it passes you by in a blink of an eye…..one day you are someone….and the next you are not……now I have to find out who I am and I need to do it sooner rather than later….afraid to make any wrong decisions or mistakes…..almost paralized by the grief.
Part of me wants to flee as far as I can…..Part of me wants to keep everything the way it was….Part of me doesn’t want to breathe another breath…..Part of me wants to live like there is no tomorrow.
The challenge for me and my closest supporters is to find a compromise that will help me to move forward without thinking I’m leaving her behind.
until next time,