Month: January 2014

My dear friends:

As we look to 2014 we find ourselves making new goals and charting our way into making changes in our lives that will fill a promise of forwarding our progression on a course charted for us because of an unfortunate event – the loss of a loved one. In doing so, we must look back at 2013 to see the lessons we were meant to learn and maybe even some lessons we still have to finish. But don’t look back too long. Just long enough to see it for what it was and learn from what did or did not happen. Make a new goal and move forward.

I find using a vision board helps me stay focused on the now in my life. I completed my first vision board about a year after my daughter’s death and it helped me to discover what I wanted out of life. It gave me some hope that life could be realized in a way that I could live out my days feeling like I could still make a difference. Being a mother for 17 years was what I knew and knew well. But I also had a successful career and needed to keep that going. Vision boards can help focus your journey, give life to new things, and give honor to those things that are now gone.

My vision board helped me understand that some things also change after time. And that it is ok. As I completed my first vision board – meaning things I had so lovely placed on it had either come to pass or no longer had meaning. As weeks and months wore on I realized I was losing my vision of what I wanted to achieve and began to slip back into a sense of unknown, a kind of listlessness and it had to stop. It was time for a new vision board.

As I began to form this new board I noticed some of the things I had on my first board still had meaning but appeared in a different light. So I allowed it back on the new board. Some things no longer held that same level of desire and I found new passions I wanted to achieve. The one trend I noticed was that I wanted more color back into my life. It has taken 7 long years to understand that living in a black and white world could only take me so far. It was a safe place. If I wanted to live with purpose – I had to let color back in. Some days I like the safety of my old black and white world, but I also understand that all places of the past can only serve but a limited purpose. And that is this…. To show you how far you have come and gives you fuel to find a renewed passion for life.

Like all things that put our life in perspective whether it be journaling or vision boards, one thing I know is true and that is goals propel us into living a life with meaning. Find your passion and write about it. Cut out pictures of examples that remind you of what happiness means to you. What makes you smile? Don’t take it too seriously. Don’t think about it – just do it. The results will be amazing. Your life will have more meaning and you will see that life can again be colorful.

Until next time

m

As you know celebrating the holidays is not easy for me. After the death of my daughter, celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas just gave me a heartache. As the years have passed I have slowly introduced feeling “celebratory” during the holiday season. I must admit at first it was simply putting on the face for all. I find putting up the tree and decorating for the holidays more palatable. But that does not, I repeat, not make it easy. It is just my new normal.

In looking back it was my mother’s passing 25 years ago that created my angst for celebrating the holidays. The holidays became so different for me after my mom’s death and then quickly following five years later, my grandmother passing sealed it for me. I had to create a new normal then with my daughter. Living away from my hometown and family also made it difficult to have that family tradition feeling that I had grown up with. Some of my fondest memories are the ones where my entire extended family joined together each year at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I have had to recreate my own traditions many times over as my life changed. Loss from death or divorce – either way – a loss is a loss and starting over means just that.

If it had not been for some of the most incredible friends along my journey that have shown me such love and friendship, I’m not sure I could have gotten to where I am today. You don’t really know who your friends are until you find yourself starting over with just about nothing. My journey to today has been built on my foundational faith in God and a strong network of friends who continue to lift me up and show me what love truly is. Being the hands and feet of Jesus consistently has encouraged me to see beyond my grief.

New Years for me is a time of rebirth. A time to start fresh. Shake off the cloak of grief from the holidays and bring some life back into my world. If anyone taught me the value of living an extraordinary life it was my daughter Brittany. I’ve always said I choose to live a life that gives honor to my daughter’s presence on this earth. She lived an extraordinary life during her 17 years. Facing many trials and tribulations – yet always with a smile on her face and joy in her heart. So I too try to live an extraordinary life. Choosing to be extraordinary rather than ordinary takes faith and it takes a village.

So as you all look at what 2014 will bring – don’t look back but only for a moment to cherish and learn what our children and loved ones taught us while they were here with us. The go forward and live an extraordinary life.

Happy New Year

Until next time,

M