I recently had a chance to sit down with a dear friend and just talk about our girls. Ironically their names were Brittany. And more ironically it was a Brittany that introduced us. Coincidence – I think not. I believe Debbie and I were meant to cross paths and even more destined to become friends.
I cannot tell you how therapeutic it is to be able to sit and talk about my Brittany with someone who won’t judge me, won’t feel uncomfortable around me and won’t try to change the subject. Someone who gets me. Who understands why it is so incredibly important to talk about my daughter. It is just as equally important for her to talk about her Brittany. To understand that I want to hear about her. I understand what most do not… that is Brittany is a part of her, a part of who she is and who she has become. You cannot live a life of denial just because it makes someone uncomfortable.
This happened to be on the anniversary date of her daughter Brittany’s passing. I was so honored that she wanted to spend that day with me. But as a grieving mother, I understand why. Probably when no one else can or will. I have learned to release that into the universe. I cannot hold it against those who do not understand the importance of keeping my daughter’s memory alive. But spending time with people who get it – that is priceless.
I was so happy to spend time with Debbie. I thought I was going to be the one who offered comfort on this anniversary date for her, but in all honesty – it was Debbie that comforted me. I was the one who was given such an amazing gift. The gift of sharing, caring and most of all, genuine love of sharing our daughter’s.
I know they both are up there in heaven smiling down on us – knowing we have made that connection. That we will forever be connected by three girls named Brittany. One on earth and two in heaven.
Lingering in a thought about you makes me pause and wonder what you would be like now. Would you have gone to college? Would you have gotten married? So so many questions that come to my mind when I linger in thoughts of you.
Lingering at a photo of you – can’t quite do that yet. It’s been six years since you left this earth and to still look at your picture is quite painful. Even thinking about it now brings a stinging tear to my eyes. You were so lovely. So beautiful. And I loved you beyond measure – as a mother should. You brought life and lite into my life and I am a better person because of it.
I’m a better nurse because of you. I’m a better mentor because of you. I’m a better writer because of you. And this I know for sure, God gave you to me to make me a better person. I’m so glad it took almost 18 years for it to work, but as I linger about you in thought, I wished it could have taken a little longer. Saying goodbye wasn’t an option. I just simply said “do your homework”.
Brittany I have figured it out. I’m here for a purpose and I’m fighting the battle like a true warrior. I’m standing in the truth that God is good and he blessed me with you. And he continues to bless me each day by opening my eyes to what I can achieve. But my sweet baby – it was you that made me who I am today. As I sit here lingering, with a tear dripping on the keyboard, I feeling nothing but love and peace.
Today’s message from Andy Stanley is part of a series called “When God?” I find these messages always seem to come this time of year when I am in reflection and need a reminder of although it might appear God isn’t answering me, or listening to me, He is giving me something you cannot buy or wish and that is GRACE.
As I end a 4 day time of reflection of what I have lost I am also reminded about the magnitude of Grace that God has bestowed upon me over the years to keep moving forward. It’s not always easy, but through my trials and losses, God is raised up as it is He who lifts me up each and every day. – my post on Facebook and Twitter today
Today as I was flying home from Tampa, I reflected on my trip and how amazing and fun it was to be in such a wonderful place like St. Pete. I’m thankful for the opportunity to get a little rest and relaxation as well as some time with family and friends.
During the flight I was staring out into the sky and as has happened so often during a flight, I become so awestruck of the fact that God has been so gracious to me over my life. I know that may sound odd given the fact that I have lost so much and suffered so much, that I can still see God’s gift of grace upon my life. But I can tell you as I looked out at the beautiful clouds that surround the plane, I realized that God creates such beauty for us to enjoy. Yet we move so quickly through life that we forget to stop and look up.
The clouds and sky look so different from up high. You know the clouds look like puff balls floating about the blue sky. I mean how can you not see God in that? How can you not see God all around when you are up so high in the sky. I always feel so close to God and Brittany when I fly. I feel as if I am just within a fine space between them and me. It’s such a peaceful time.
I took some pictures of the beautiful cloud formations and in doing so, caught a quick glimpse of a rainbow. It made me smile. It made me stop and think just how small I am in a huge universe build by God, yet I too was built and wonderfully made by God. Sometimes we just need to slow down and stop and look around us and remember that we are living in a space that has been given to us to care for and to enjoy.
So as you go about your day, busy working, going to school, taking care of your family – stop and look up and see the wonders and beauty of the world around us. It’s a gift. It’s a blessing.
Well – I’m feeling better. It’s been a long week of flu symptoms and it took a lot out of me, but I’m getting my groove back and hoping to enjoy a fabulous Saturday of warmer weather.
Today I had one of those unexpected blessings I talk about from time to time. As some of you know I have a Facebook account and have met some great people as well as reconnected with friends that I haven’t seen or talked in years. Today I got a chance to use Skype for the first time. I was able to talk with a dear friend I’ve only met via FB because of my church. It was 11:00pm there and we were chatting on FB when I asked if she had Skype and she said YES and I said I’d never tried it – so we did and we talked on-line via video for over an hour. Incredible. What a blessing this can be for so many other who miss their friends and family who live far away.