Saddest day of my life.

The Saddest Day of Life

Today, October 13 2006, my daughter Brittany passed away from heart failure. She was 17. I mourn for her, yet I know she is now with God and is healthy. No more seizures. No more pain. No more sadness. How wonderful it must be to be in the presence of God and see the beauty of life with no bad.

I’m am very sad. The reason I live is now gone. I feel as if I have lost my identity. I haven’t felt this much pain since my mom died 18 years ago. Now I have buried my mother, my grandmother and now my daughter. God this sucks! It is everything I can do to breathe.

Leaving her a the hospital was the worst. Even though I know she is in heaven with God. The mother in me didn’t want to leave her.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Malissa


8 Responses to “Saddest day of my life.”

  1. I will. And I still, after the gap of comments i stated, am sorrow filled and depressed by your stories. As well as concerned. Ill explain this later on. I promise. May God Bless You, Sister and Friend. Know that I care about you and am here for you.
    ~Tristan

  2. Thank you Tristan!

  3. What I meant by concerned is that you have been thrown into the endless pitof despair and anguish. It isn’t good. Nor is it healthy. But the part I consider worry-ful is that this has gone on so long. I am worried you are not seeing the full picture to life. I have a page on my blog that would help with this, but I will summerize it for you:
    Life is lived once and only once. Every world has its end. Planet wise or Humanly. It is not what comes, for the future is always changing. It is not what was, for the past is in stone. Regardless of how badly we wish it would change. But the present is being lived, and becomes a part of both the future and past. What you did or will do does not matter. It is what you are doing.
    I ask a favor from you. I hope you can fulfill it:
    Live life full on. Though it is OK to miss a loved one, it is just as good to live life and let them watch you from their home with God. I am here for you always. I promise.
    May God Bless You And Your Daughter, Mother, and Grandmother.

    ~Tristan

  4. I know…and I will…

    God bless,
    Michael

  5. Blessings to you and all who miss your daughter.

  6. Thank you!

  7. I lost my 23 year old daughter Kaitlyn to suicide 4-11-13. She was just starting her 3rd year of medical school, was brilliant, doing well in school and showed no signs of depression nor did she tell anyone about it until her suicide note. She said she had been sad all her life but hid it from us to protect us from it. We had NO clue at all and we were close. She was my bright shining star, which is the name of my blog and I write to vent and put all my feelings out there. It’s my best way to cope. This is the most horrible thing in my life. I loved her more than life itself and she always told me she was happy and I believed her. I’m so sorry for your loss. I know the pain never goes away and I’m not looking forward to a life filled with this horrible pain.

  8. I’m so very sorry for the loss of your daughter Kaitlyn. You are so fresh with your loss now and I remember those early days, weeks and months are the toughest. I keep this blog as well as my Facebook Fan page in hopes that other parents can see that, while at times it cannot be fathomable, but you will survive the loss of your child. It is a process and a journey. I kept a private diary the first year and wrote everyday. It was raw and sometimes scary to write during that time, but once I look back over those pages, I could see how far I had come. Where I had reconciled my grief and where I still needed work. I would encourage you to write – keep a journal. Thank you for taking the time to write. I have shared some resources in the past on this blog and highly recommend on book in particular: Embracing Life after Loss by Suzie Duke. Very helpful. I pray that you find some peace and find the time to remember Kaitlyn and the wonderful times you shared. Keeping those moments close to your heart.

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