Sometimes it takes a life-changing event to make you pay attention to what’s more important in life. I love the quote “Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away” – author Hilary Cooper.
I’m looking to increase the moments in my life that can take my breath away. Life is too short to waste time chasing the wrong path. There are things today, that no longer matter to me, and things that I never imagined would make me go WOW that absolutely make me want to find out more.
I am not a mental health professional or do I have any education in any type behavioral health. But I have many life experiences that have brought me to this point in my life. Writing about it provides a means to see change. These are only my thoughts, my brokenness, my pain, my love, my life laid out before you as a testimony that life can and does move forward – just not in the way you might think.
So if you are struggling with loss, find someone professional who can help you with your thoughts and feelings. I would encourage maintaining a journal of your journey, because it does in a way remove some of the heaviness from your heart and puts it out in a place that you can go back and measure how far you have come.
Until next time,
M
Unimaginable Grief Unexpected Blessings 
I cannot imagine, nor will I pretend to imagine the grief and sense of loss you feel. We have all felt some type of loss in our life but our experiences differ as do our reactions and our abilities to go on in life. The times when we are suddenly overwhelmed come without notice and often without reason. The reason is inside us somewhere but often we are unsure of its origin yet there it is.
My loss was the loss of a child also. But the child was my mother. She battled the senseless disease of Alzheimer’s for 17 years fighting every day and losing a little more each day. The worst day was a nice fall day that I thought quite typical. I went in from my office and fixed us a light lunch and took her to the back deck to look out over the rolling hills and eat. We were chatting as usual when she suddenly asked me the question that changed my life forever. She looked at me and said” Is your mother still living?” Until that day I had thought she still knew who I was, but to her, I had just become a nice lady that took her in and took care of her. My mother was before my very eyes and yet she was gone. She physically passed away in October of 2007 but her actual day of no longer being was September 2002. She was no longer a mother, I was. I was no longer a daughter but the one responsible for this innocent child before me.
Now the beautiful fall days come each year with the trees changing their colors and preparing for the winter snows. When I look out on them as I did that day as we ate our lunch I think not of the lovely canvas God has painted before me but of the pain I felt that day. How do we deal? We deal in many different ways. I am moving to the south where the leaves will not change again. Will it erase that memory? No, for it is etched in my mind forever. But at least I am going to try to start again as I am sure she would have wanted.
Jill – I can so share your thoughts about moving away from what reminds you of your pain. I did that and it’s still followed me. I sat at B&N last night and saw a family, parents and 2 teenage daughters and thought – why did I have to be the one to lose my only child. Why me? I can’t let myself go there – because when I do – it’s very frightening the thoughts that invade my brain.
I would really like to move to Florida and live in a beach house and write book after book. Bleeding out my soul in hopes that one day it may be empty enough to be filled again with better things.
Did your daughter have a congenital heart defect, or was her death unexpected. At any rate I want to say how sorry I am for you in your grief. You daughter is not suffering anymore and you still are. We don;t know why God allows what he does, but you will get the answer in time, until than I pray God give you the grace of his peace.
First of all I’d like to thank you for reading my blog. I hope you find it helpful.
My daughter’s death was unexpected even though she had been diagnosed with epilepsy since age 5. She died from complications of a grand Mal seizure which is not common.
After returning from a mission trip she began to have seizures again after being seizure free for 4 years.
Thank you again for reading and commenting!
Peace