Grieving has been described differently by many. The rules of the road vary for everyone. Grief is unique that way. But one thing I think can resonate with everyone and that is “grief is long term”. There is no “short term” grieving. It’s a lifelong arduous journey that navigates us to places within our hearts, minds and souls that we could have not imagined.
My grief is so very different than it was 15, 10, 5 years ago. It is more “chronic” if you will. It doesn’t feel any different from day to day. Some days I do struggle more than others. I have recognized through the many years that while keeping grief at arm’s length, I do have to regularly let it in and “manage” it.
What I know for sure is that you DO have to manage it. Otherwise, it will manifest itself in other ways – health, relationships and most of all your own mental health. We tend to think it is much easier to just avoid it. But the long-term impact is that the emotions and stress of loss will continue to lurk behind the scenes of your life until one day you come face-to-face with it. Grief smacks you upside the head and says “yeah, I’m still here”.
As I approach the 20th year of my daughter’s passing, I’ve had to reevaluate how I manage my grief. You see, grief is fluid and it changes over time. In the past, I tended to avoid it at all costs. And did so for many years. It was my idea of survival. It had seemed as if everyone around me had moved on with their lives. And while I was faced with moving on as well, it was different for me. The dreams shattered of what I had hoped for my daughter and myself. The plans we made as mother and daughter were no longer valid.
Now I have regular grief sessions where I spend time in prayer, reading and writing. What I have found is that the depth of grief is not has profound. It’s manageable. But if I skip over it or ignore it, the pain and sorrow become overwhelming.
A mother’s loss is so profound, I can not even put it into words. The death of an only child even more profound. There is NO escape from it. This reality haunts me every single day – whether is shows or not.
This is what long term grief looks like for me.
How about you?
Until Next Time,
M
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