Conflicted Spirit

Some of my readers might find this surprising and then again maybe not; but lately I’ve been feeling somewhat conflicted. Since my daughter’s death I have found that my source for strength has always been God. Especially in the early days of my journey, the bible and God’s word were comforting to me.

But lately I have been so busy with work, with life that I have not stopped long enough to refuel with what I know works. What has worked for me from the beginning of this journey; and that is God. The simple faith that I’m here on this earth for a reason. Not for me, but for the service to others.

My work has become all consuming lately and it’s going to get even worse now. It’s going to take a great deal of discipline for me to say no to certain people and spend more time alone so I can spend the time I need to refuel. Otherwise I will run out of gas. It has happened before so I know the feeling and I’m feeling it now.

I have also come to some understanding of who I am as a person, as a woman and as a child of God. This person is who I was meant to be and was told I couldn’t or shouldn’t be. Yet today it feels so right to know who I am. All these years living a life I was never intended to live has taken a toll on me.

So now I have a choice to move forward with this new outlook. But at what cost? Do I have enough strength to fight off the nay sayers and stand up for what I believe is right for me? I don’t know. But what I do know is that my simple faith is all that is required to move towards peace. And I choose peace.

until next time


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