I have found over the past few years that I have become less tolerant of people who don’t walk the talk. Who portray themselves as good people but really prey on those who are vulnerable. Grieving people are very vulnerable because they lose their “sight” to who is real and who is fake.

When you are in the middle of the grieving process you see life through a clouded haze of pain. Even one, two, three and now four years later some days the fog is so dense I cannot see what is right in front of me. That is when I know that grief has it’s grip on my heart and I have to guard it carefully.

Thankfully I have been given the gift to understand one simple thing. And that is this – when you have been to hell and back numerous times – you see things differently. People can’t hurt you any more because you’ve already been hurt beyond belief by your loss. By how people treated you during and after your loss.

Avoidance is one of the most painful things a griever can experience during the early days. But it can also continue to haunt  you for the rest of your days. That is why it is critically important to surround yourself by “real” people. People who want to be with you because it’s the right thing to do. Not because it feels like a “responsibility” or because it’s the popular thing to do.

I’ve been blessed to have several people who have remainded close to me over these past four years and I cannot express enough my gratitude for that. For their companionship and simply their geniune caring has brought through some very tough nights. Always remembering what time of year it is and how hard the holidays can be for me. Never forgetting that she lived. She walked this earth and she made my life complete.

Then there are others who have walked into my life and walked all over it. They have shown their true colors by behaving in a way that is not worthy of my time. Seriously what is wrong with some people. To think they can manipulate and control people because they are weak or vulnerable – what gives anyone the right to do that to anyone? I’ll tell you nothing gives anyone that right.

The only person that has the control is you, me us – we can say no. No to the people who bring us down and yes to the people who encourage us, who lift us up when we are down and yes to the people to stand with us during the dark times. Everyone else can just move on.

until next time

m