Ebb and Flow

Sometimes grief ebbs and flows through my life like a river runs through the woods. Any given moment, the wind changes and the current becomes violent. The grief thrashes around like spilling over my heart like the rough water flows over the banks.

Trying to describe grief to someone who has not experienced it is hard to do. Explaining it to a fellow griever is easier but it still can be very different for each person. I find analogies are the easiest for people to comprehend but still they often have no idea what I’m talking about. 

Grief has been described by many in different ways. Some we can all identify with and others we can’t even imagine.  For me grief chases me relentlessly with reckless abandon and does not care when or what I’m doing. It comes and goes as it chooses and I am often left breathless. I find it necessary to run and hide because I cannot or do not have the words to explain it to my loved ones. It’s overwhelming and takes my breath away – each and every time. 

Grief washes over me during times of remembrance of my daughter OR during times when I think back at my life and the pain and sorrow that prevailed during many parts of my life. Some people do not know the whole story. Nor will they ever.  Grief has also taught me much. It has taught me that nothing is guaranteed. That life can be gone in a minute. Life can be changed forever by just a wrong decision or a medical condition that takes a turn for the worse. 

Grief has also taught me to love hard. To breathe in and out the pain of unimaginable loss. To believe in my God and His plans for me that I still don’t always understand. God consistently has rescued me from the depths of sorrow with His grace and love. His word is constant and His promise is love. He moves me to take that next step. He loves me unconditionally.

While grief throws me around often, God is always there to provide a safe place to fall.

Until next time,


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