My family has been impacted by the hurricanes in Florida these past days/weeks. Milton caused significant damage to our roof and home. I’ve been absent in posting due to the clean up that is needed. I’ve posted some pictures here with a beautiful sunset the next day reminding us how fortunate we are to be alive.

October 13th was the 18th year of my daughter’s passing. The year that surpassed her life here on earth. It really hit me hard. I may have cried and wept so much that my eyes were swollen this morning. Perhaps the disruption of life these past few days did not help the deep sorrow I was feeling. I wasn’t even able to put out a post as the words just couldn’t come close to describing the emotions I was feeling.

We had to quickly pack up our most treasured valuables out of the house with us as we fled to family in central Florida. That included my daughter’s ashes; my collection of her most treasured things; my mom’s little box of memories and many photo albums. I could not bear losing them. It would have been like losing my daughter and mother all over. I am not sure, as I sit here today, that I could have survived that type of loss again.

On October 9th, we hunkered down during the night of the hurricane and listened/prayed as the wind howled as if it were about to take off the roof at the farm. But it did not. We watched our “pup cam” at our house as the tree fell on the house and watched the ceiling fall with mounds of insulation all over the kitchen, dining and living room. We could do nothing. It was shocking. By morning we were safe, but were aware that we had a long road ahead.

It took two days to get to our house to access the damage. The power had been out since the storm. It was just heartbreaking to see the damage. Rain had come through and added to the already gaping hole in our roof and ceiling. All we could do was begin to clean up as best we could. We returned the next day and the power had returned and the damage was far more severe than first seen. Multiple ceiling trusses were busted crusting damage in the attic and over the kitchen, laundry room and pantry.

The clean up began. And so did my grief. It was October 12th and I was feeling the burden of grief upon my heart. Trying to keep busy with cleaning and throwing our ruined belongings out on the street. But as we know, grief will not go unheard. It will not wait even during a hurricane. On Sunday, October 13th, it all came crashing down.

I don’t think I’ve lost it that much since the early years after her death. I did not feel safe in my own home to openly grieve. I tried hard to hold it in, but eventually it came out and I cried until my eyes were swollen and my energy spent. I’m so thankful for my partner for life. While she never knew Brittany, she has been the most compassionate person in my life post Brittany. From the beginning she has made room for Brittany in our life. This grieving mamma will always be forever grateful to her for that.

Brit’s friends who still pay tribute to her life – just demonstrates how she touched so many people. She will never be forgotten by them. They continue to post each year and it touches my heart so very much.

At the end of a very stressful and gut-wrenching day, was this beautiful sunset that reminded us all that there is beauty and love in more places than we can imagine. For anyone going through a tragic time of grief, please be with them. Sit with them. Love on them. Listen to them. They need to be heard.

Until next time,

Demonstrate LOVE
Demonstrate COMPASSION
Refuse HATE
Be LIGHT

M