One of the ways I have transitioned my grief is through the process of being more mindful about my thoughts. Earlier on my journey I would let grief swallow me up to where I’d end up in a puddle of tears and choking on my grief. I was a mess. All of that crying and sorrow kept me from seeing the light right in front of me. It was like a shroud had engulfed me and I couldn’t see my way out it.
When I began to spend time writing my thoughts down in my journal I found I could sort them out better. From there I found I was able to see my grief, my thoughts, my feelings differently. Being mindful about why I felt a certain way created a space to redirect my grief. To really channel it into something that could be a vessel of change. Sometimes I felt like I was wrestling some of those thoughts and feelings to the ground because they were so big and painful. The beautiful gift that can come from mindfulness is the shift in focus from the pain of my daughter’s death to honor of my daughter’s life. That was profound and life-changing for me. It can be for you too.
If you haven’t ever considered writing in a journal, I’d encourage you to do so. Don’t be afraid of writing perfectly or even spelling correctly. Focus on pouring out the words from your heart and onto the paper. It was hard in the beginning but as I wrote I began to see something unfold before my eyes. I began to feel peace and it allowed light to crack through my broken heart. Mindfulness of your thoughts and feelings through writing can be therapeutic beyond measure.
Creating mindfulness is work. You need space – a comfortable place to land and be free to express your thoughts and feelings. If you don’t have a defined space to do that in your home, you can even take a few items that create a sense of calm in your spirt like – candles, scents, a journal/pen and lighting etc. Creating the ambiance that allows you to stop and take a nice deep breath and focus on the positive energy that is buried deep within you. Yes it’s still there.
Mindfulness is about space, breathing and letting the negative thoughts clear and allow the positive thoughts to remain. When you begin to drift back into the negative, just take a deep breath and refocus on the positive. Focus on something good. Consistency is the key with this practice. Sometimes you may need it daily and sometimes just a few times a week. Regular practice and you will grow into your mindfulness and more positive thoughts will begin to overcome the negative or sad ones.
Additionally, I incorporated the use of essential oils into my mindfulness routine now and love to use various oils and blends to create that special blend that compliments my mindfulness routine. When I feel that its time for me to take a step back and find some time to get quiet – essential oils produce that peaceful calming environment necessary to just be still. I chose Young Living Essential Oils because of the quality and care they take to ensure the safety of their customers. There are many oils to choose from, but Valor, Hope, Gratitude and Peace & Calming are ones I use often in my diffusers at home and when I travel.
As I said in a previous post, the focus of this blog will shift from acknowledging and validating loss to focus the mind and body allowing the pursuit of healing and finding a positive way to channel grief. To shift your focus and your energy into something that honors your loved one who has passed on. Then you’ll begin to see positive changes in how you process your grief. Channeling it into something that will honor your child or loved one is a beautiful thing. I spent many years in the low space and it took a lot of energy to move from that space to where I am now – but I’m here to say it can be done.
None of this will ever replace or forget our loved ones, but rather it creates the beautiful space to honor and celebrate who they were to us and to the world.
Here’s to your mindfulness!
I am not a professional mental health counselor and recommend that you seek out professional counseling to help manage your grief.