Today I wailed. And wailed and wailed. I tried for hours to stuff it back. But it became too overwhelming while I was Michael’s looking for some supplies. I had to put the things I was looking down and leave. I got home and just cried. Missing her so. Knowing she’s never coming back to me here. The quietness of my home is disturbing. I miss her laugh! Her giggles while talking to Andy. I miss telling her to do her homework. I miss the hugs and kisses. But most of all I miss her smell.

Words cannot begin to describle my anguish. I’m broken, incomplete, sad, deprived, gloomy – yet I know by the grace of God, it will get easier – but I don’t believe it will get better – yet.

I have to start to deal with other issues that started this awful trip long before Brittany. In order for me to become the person God intended me to be (not the person I had to become), I must deal with the first person in my life that denied me that – my dad.

I’m assured by God that once I forgive the people who denied me, mistreated me or abused me, my life will start over and I will become who he wanted me to become and I can start my new life.

Scarey, exciting, nauseating and overwhelming.

until later,

m