Dreading….

I’m beginning to dread Thursday. Today I could barely make it through my work day without having a complete breakdown. I’m tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m exhausted with grief. Yet I am still hopeful that things will be better. God’s word tells me this over and over. I have to believe it.

This is my reality.

Everywhere I look – I don’t see her,
Everywhere I go – I am not with her,
Everywhere I feel – I don’t feel her,
Everywhere for me without her is
no place I want to be.

When I come home, she’s not here.
When I leave in the morning,
The house is quiet all day, and when
I return, the house is the same as I left it.

No clothes laying around, no empty
food dishes on the table, no messes to
clean up. What would I give to have that back?

When I walk by her room, it is so quiet.
No music playing loudly, or her singing loudly.
No hour long showers with her singing at the
top of her lungs. What would I give to have that back?

The TV is quiet – no more “mom, can I watch
TV now” – no more “mom, can I tape this show”,
What would I give to have that back?

The emptiness of my house is extremely hard.
The emptiness of my heart is extremely difficult.
The emptiness of my life is hard to face.

As I pray to God to heal my heart and help me
to see my purpose – I pray for all mothers who
share my grief. This is the worst time in my life.

 

quietly grieving,

m

 

 

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