Yes today is a very bad day.

Today Show – they were talking about being alone for the holidays. Whether because you had a loss/death or recent divorce – it’s important to know it’s ok to be sad and to mourn and not feel ashamed. That’s hard! But they definitely said to not be alone. Interesting how God keeps sending these learning opportunities my way. Also really eerie, but I’m truly glad for is, when I read the Bible now – I understand so much more than I have before. I used to struggle with the meaning in the scripture – now it’s as if my eyes have been opened and I get it.

God continues to bless me everyday in so many ways – the pain of missing her is unbearable and I just struggle emotionally to get through everyday. I have never felt so unimportant or not needed as I do now – yet I keep getting signs from God that I do matter. I’m very confused. I’m very tired. I can’t seem to get over this infection/virus. Second round of antibiotics, new meds. I have trouble clearing my throat. Keep a prayer for me.

I’ve asked, prayed, begged God to take it away from me. I cannot possibly keep sustaining myself with this relentless attack on my body. Emotionally and physically I am exhausted beyond belief. I ask God too – how can I help others when I feel this bad. If it is my purpose to minister to others now, how can I do that when I feel like I’m about to choke to death. Sometimes I feel I cannot get a break. It is a daily struggle to keep going. I know I do get glimpses of hope, but I do feel like I’m being bombarded at every turn. I just need to get some happiness somewhere in my life – I just don’t see that happening.

until later,
m



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2 thoughts on “Yes today is a very bad day.

  1. thanks TJ – I do find peace, but it doesn’t last long. This holiday is extremely difficult and I think in part it’s because it hasn’t been that long since she died. I have barely a chance to get my breath from her death, then Thanksgiving, then her 18th birthday and now Christmas and New Years. I know some have told me that I’m “getting it all out of the way”, but it has taken a toll having them come on top of each other. Thanks so much for your words of comfort and encouragement. You and Coty have been a blessing to me. Merry Christmas

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