6 months!

Well it’s been 6 months today that my sweet girl passed away. Friday the 13th. Those of you who know me, know that I am not superstitious but it doesn’t make it any easier to ignore. I find that today, in thinking about her, that it’s less painful to not think about it. I can for the most part talk about her, but I can’t go inside myself and think about my life without her. It’s just too unbearable. I keep very busy and try very hard to stay focused on God and his promise that I’ll see her again. I am fighting the urge to say I hope sooner rather than later.

I know I’m suppose to be enjoying (if that’s possible) my remaining days, but really, that’s alot to ask of someone, especially a parent whose lost their only child. Their reason for being.

The one thing I know now is that love has been such a painful experience for me. It’s always ended in loss of some type. This one being the worst imaginable. I don’t see myself sharing that side of me any more. I don’t believe I could possibly endure any more losses. I just don’t have any thing left.

It’s a struggle to fight the devil every minute that I’m awake. It would be so easy for me to give up and give in. But God’s promise is all I have to hold onto. And I’m holding on for dear life.

until next time,

mercedes

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