Sunday

What it feels like to have Mother’s Day in my face.

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It’s raining today – AGAIN! Seems as though we’ve had our fair share of rain this month. I don’t know about you, but I’m quite tired of it all. I’m believing for some sunshine linked by several days of continued sunshine.

Now that my taxes are done, and oh did I owe, I’m getting back to finishing my book. I don’t have much left to do. But it does seem a bit disorganized and needs some polishing. Writing has never been one of my fortes but after much prodding by my peeps (friends who have read my blogs over the past two years) I have decided to pursue it.

Some days you just have to pull yourself up and push on. Even when it doesn’t feel good at all. But I’m a believing person and know God has not set me upon this earth do live a dull and meaningless life. Even considering the great loss of my only child.

The next few weeks you may find my writing here a bit dark. Mother’s Day is coming and it’s not usually a good time for me. Many of you know that I lost my mother when I was 7 months pregnant with Brittany. My mom was only 48 when she died from Breast Cancer. Five years later, my grandmother died of Congestive Heart Failure. Then losing my daughter nailed it shut my ever celebrating Mother’s Day again.

I don’t want to take away anyones love of Mother’s Day – but just know there are some of us out here that wish it would just go by and never breathe it’s breath of heartache over my life again. But it’s all around – you know – every store, every TV show and even in church. I go to church regularly because it’s how I get spiritually fed, however, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are not Sundays I attend church. I choose to stay out of the public on those days, not because I am a recluse, but because I’m tired of having those holidays shoved down my throat.

It’s a painful reminder of what I have lost or been without for so long. For my dear friends and family the magnitude of many losses have profoundly changed who I am as a person. I will forever be different and you will have to learn to be OK with it. I don’t like it much either but it is my reality.

I choose to do a lot of positive things to counteract my losses, but it doesn’t take them away. It doesn’t soften the blow, it doesn’t decrease my pain – it only creates noise in my life to take up the quiet that drives me crazy. When it’s too quiet – I weep.

More on that later.

until next time

mercedes

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