Bitter Sweet Memory

Today I got to see my 10-year-old niece play softball. She is tall for her age and can swing a mean bat. But what is really cool is that she has improved so much over the past two years, so much so that she can actually hit and run.

Being with my extended family now that my daughter has passed has had some bitter sweet moments. Today was one of them. It seems as though whenever I go to one of these “family” events, something happens that reminds me of something Brittany did or said. They I find myself in an awkward moment saying “oh Brittany used to do that” or “Brittany used to say that” – then the moment passes and I feel like I just said something that really didn’t matter to anyone but me. I hate that.

I wonder if those memories will ever fade to the point that I don’t verbally discuss them in front of my family. Seems as though it’s a subject they’d like for me not to discuss. It’s so hard not to say something about her. She did exist you know. It’ not like I made her up. She lived, breathed, laughed, cried and loved me for 17 years and 11 months. I will not EVER deny her existence. No matter what.

So don’t expect me to. I will talk about her whenever I feel the need, because it helps keep her memory alive for me. And at the end of the day – that’s all that matters. If I didn’t have that – well I wouldn’t have made it this far.

So if you have  a family member who has lost a loved one, LET THEM TALK. Help them keep their loved one alive! It’s crucial to their healing process.

Until next time,


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