I was watching a show once and a family was interviewed about their experience in losing their young son. I Believe the boy was around the age of 8 or 9 years of age. The dad hadn’t yet been able to come to terms with the death, but the mother, she had a totally different way of thinking about the loss.
I remember what she had to say was one of the first blessings or “turning points” if you will, that moved me forward in my journey of grief. The road to peace has to be paved with blessings, the ones that you see or feel.
When asked how she had come to terms with her son’s death, she said that I see his life as a blessing and the time I had with him as a blessing. I choose to see the blessing and not the loss. I remember this show was very early in my walk of grief and I remembered thinking “wow, I want to be there, I want to feel like that”. At that time I was still blinded by my curtain of grief. A cloud of pain and sorrow that followed me where ever I went.
Now I can see where that mother was coming from. Now that I am 2-1/2 years out, I can understand how she could see the blessing more clearly. I currently work with grieving parents who have recently lost a child and although I don’t get a call often (thank goodness) it gratifies me to know that I can offer some kind of beacon of light for a family who can only see dark. And it’s all because someone came along side me, even without physically knowing them, helped me see that there could be light at the end of my very long and dark tunnel.
The blessings are easier to see today, than yesterday. The loss is still a loss, but it is less painful. The hole will forever remain in my heart, but the blessings are what make me able to talk about her and laugh now. Instead of crying, wailing, sobbing and wishing that I were not alive.
What people need to know is its a long and horrific road, one that will take a lifetime to follow, but if we come along side them and show them light, even in their darkest of hours, they will begin to see the blessings for the light will provide a means to see them.
until next time,