Dreams have eluded my sleep for nearly 2 years now. I’m not exactly sure why, although I’m told that I probably continue to dream, but just don’t recall them.
The last real dream I recall was the dream where Brittany came to visit me about 1-2 months after she died. I remembered in the dream that I had just pulled up behind her father’s car and she got out of the passenger seat of her dad’s car and got into the passenger seat of my car. Then she turned and looked at me and said “mom, the angels came to get me and said I’d be OK”, then she got out of my car and got back into her father’s. I then awoke in a cold sweat and remembered thinking how real that dream felt.
After much thought I believed that God sent me that dream, so that I would know that she was alright. That she was with Him in Heaven. You see it was during that time that I was questioning the why’s and the what happened’s and asking God for clarity. And he gave me the answer in my dream.
Now after 2 years I am dreaming again. I asked myself why now, why am I dreaming again. Then I realized that I had been asking God again for some answers. Again I have been asking why. Now the dreams are not very nice. They are about what perhaps Brittany would be like today if she had lived through that ordeal. The dream was filled with darkness and pain and suffering. She was not the colorful girl I had come to admire and respect as a young woman. Her eyes had become clouded over and distant for she wasn’t there anymore.
These dreams have visited me for the past few nights and I now know that it was her time. That God chose to take her from this world so she would no longer suffer. For that I am so grateful. I would have never wanted to have my little girl live a life in darkness. For now she lives a life of eternity with God, without pain or suffering.
This morning when I awoke I decided I had to quit asking why and start asking what do you want me to do now? How can I be a blessing to someone else? How can I bring joy and laughter back into my life? Answer – by bringing into someone elses’ – so now I am going to answer that message. I’m going to go out and live the remaining days of my life trying to make a difference.
How about you?
until next time