I have laid out for you my thoughts on fear and how it relates to the grieving process; and how trust is a process that deals with fear head on. So now I will talk about the amount of faith it takes to trust. To trust every aspect of your life and on so many levels.
I know I’ve said before that my journey through the grieving process has been difficult at times. Epecially in the early months. Now as my journey as matured, so to speak, it has become more demanding of me. More so that in order for me to move forward in my grief I have to work through the process of trusting God. Trust Him to show me that the test of my faith will be the very thing that moves me forward.
I think the test of my faith has been that I have dealt with multiple devasting losses. So many I can’t even begin to lay out before you. You know about a few because I have discussed them here on this blog over the past 3 years. However, the losses you aren’t aware of are the losses that came to me early in my life.
Losses upon losses that brought me my knees when Brittany died. That required I trust something greater than me. Something more profound that anything I’ve ever known in my life. My faith. Knowing that God would bring me through. As I began to rely solely on his word for the first few months I began to realize that without the word and without God I didn’t stand a chance.
My bible became the soothing medicine that I needed to show me that there was hope in the midst of my grief. Everyday I relied on the word to find passages and scriptures that would help me to see that even as bad as I felt, as broken-hearted I was, and as the loneliness gave way to bad thoughts, I would find hope.
Over the past couple of years I haven’t been as diligent in my bible reading as I was in those early days. To some degree I think that’s why I have began to struggle somewhat with the ability to move to the next level. Spending time with God thru the reading of His word has taken a back seat to the business of life. And that makes me proundly sad. Sad because I feel I have let myself down and I’ve let God down.
Reading the word gives me a lot of hope, but it also takes me places that make me uncomfortable. It makes me think about my life and where it has been and where it is going. Some days it’s just too much to think about. The loneliness that has prevailed since my daughter’s death has been staggering. So much so that it has begun to change me as a person. And I don’t like that. Loneliness can kill a person’s drive to stay healthy and to enjoy life.
My encouragement is that I know what works and I know what doesn’t. My challenge is that I have to work harder on what I know works. God. God works. So my dear friends if you’re struggling with grief, or you are struggling with life in general. Look to God. Look up. Thank God for who you are and where you are going – then, and only then, can He light the path for you to walk, to run, to dance through life.
until next time