Vacant Space

Vacant Space

There was a time when life was full
and we were always running the race
but now after these long 3 years
my life has become this vacant space.

There was a time when life was busy
and we were always running the race
always looking for more time to spend
but now all that exists is vacant space.

There was a time when life was so right
and we took it all for granted;
believing the joy would never end
but now all that exists is vacant space.

There was a time when I laughed at your jokes
and cried when you were hurting;
knowing that I would always be your mom
and you would always be my daughter;
but now all that exists is vacant space.

There was a time when you showed me
what it means to live beyond your ability
To imagine the world as your own
but now all that exists is vacant space.

There was a time when I saw you die and;
knowing although you were with God
helped me to heal – though still all I know
is the place in my heart where you lived is
now all but a vacant space.

There is a time when I have to move on
a time when I have to choose to be more
than I have been, that shell of a vacant space;
Only now do I realize that the vacant space is
still filled with your love and your sweet face.

Peace to you my sweet little girl Brittany.

love mom

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3 thoughts on “Vacant Space

  1. I don’t know what to say, but I can hear and feel your grief in your beautiful poem. I almost lost my beautiful daughter twice, but to actually lose a child from your life is quite different. A large part of you died, too. One cannot define the pain. It is a testament to your strength that you are here. As you travel on in life, I hope that you find new meaning and roads in your life to help you along. I have read a million books on grief. Only one has truly helped me, along with professional counseling. The title is “Finding Dayling After Loss Shatters Your World, Seven Choices” by Elizabeth Harper Neeld, Ph.D. We are all here to help each other when loss has shattered our world.

  2. Thank you Claudia – I wrote that poem 3 years after she died and each year on her angel date 10-13 – I revisit some of my writing and poetry during the anniversary dates and can see where I was and where I am today. I am doing fine but this time of year has a haze over it. I am a little foggy and sometimes distant deep in thoughts and dreams of a time I always dreamed of but was never realized. Those are the hardest moments and when those close to me see opportunities to set me back on track and bring a little joy back into my life. – Thanks as always for taking the time to read and comment. I am humbled. – Mal

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