Sunday night while attending a Christmas party at my church we were asked to pray for a few of our leaders who happen to be experiencing some very difficult circumstances.
So as we grouped into little huddles to pray for these fellow leaders a sound began to rumble throughout the room of about 100 people. All praying separately for the same people. I know in my group lifting them up to God in hopes that He would wrap His arms around them and give them the strength to get through this tough time.
As we finished, a picture entered my head that was just mind blowing. I just envisioned a flood of light with so many faces, voices, tears, prayers going up into the sky for God to taken in and hear, to feel and to bless.
I was so moved by this vision that I became so cold and shook my head and thought to myself – “wow – that clearly was a picture of prayer like I’ve never seen”. Now you have to know that prayer has never been an easy thing for me. I just finished a class on the power of prayer and still I walked away feeling unsure about it.
Growing up as a child prayer was memory work, repetitive scriptures, liturgical regurgitation at best. But now, my walk with God means I talk with God. I don’t just see it as praying, but I have moments when I just talk to God, as if He was right here beside me in my living room. To me I believe that is when I have the most incredible insight given to me.
Insight that gives me the kind of hope that it takes to keep on living this life that I so clearly don’t want to do somedays. Grief makes life incredibly hard to take. There are days when it makes absolutely no sense. Then other days when I spend more time with God and He clearly shows me that while I can’t make any sense of my daughter’s death, I can make sense of her life and what she came to do.
That I can keep going and know that one day it will all be revealed. So for now I have to settle for spending quiet time with God and have my conversations with Him when I need to feel that I matter. Because at the end of the day – when I look in the mirror and see what I see – a broken-hearted mother – I can also see someone that God loves and wants good things for.
So “What Does Prayer Look Like?” – it looks like love, peace, joy and blessings.
until next time