I’ve been on a writing hiatus over the past few weeks trying to decide what book I will blog through. I have narrowed it down to two books that moved me in ways that I feel the need to share with those of you who follow me. Over the past few years I’ve felt the calling to write and to write openly and honestly my thoughts, feelings, pain, anguish and hope. I have become vulnerable because through that process of being vulnerable – there is growth. For me and hopefully for someone out there who needs it.
So recently I have found myself a little “lost” for the lack of a better word. I think I have mastered the art of “being lost” not getting lost. Two completely different things. When I say being lost, I mean, I’ve lost my mojo, my center of gravity, my rock, the grace by which I have lived under for nearly 5 years since my daughter’s death. I find myself searching again for what is missing in my life – substance.
You can’t be lost and have substance. Substance creates a map on your soul that keeps you right where you should be. When you lose substance, your center is lost, your mapping disrupted and it can be very hard to find. It’s a place I have frequently visited and probably will always struggle with it. Having your life turned inside out like a bike tire when looking for a leak, is uncomfortable and can be detrimental to your longevity. Sometimes, it’s the very thing you need to re-examine what is going on in your life and find your way back.
There is no doubt that staying present and creating the right amount of space to work out the process of life has become a delicate balance for me. It takes staying vigilant on what works and removing what doesn’t. Keeping honest about who I am and what I feel my purpose is on this earth. When I focus on me too much, I lose myself. But when I openly extend myself and my service to a great cause than me, I grow as a person. From that I have more to offer.
God didn’t grant me this life to just get by. There is so much more. But it takes work, hard work and sometimes difficult work to see it through. The payoff is substantial. Waking up each and every day knowing that you are in the right place at the right time with the right purpose.
until next time