Today at church we started a series on “amazing stories” and today’s was on the story of Noah. This sermon really spoke to me because the way that the pastor, Clay, told of Noah’s story and as I sat their listening it was beginning to sound like how I, a grieving parent, goes about my life even today.
I don’t know how many of you know the story of Noah, you know he built the Ark, the big boat that took his family and two of every type of animal/creature and floated about during the worst time in biblical history. The flood.
As I sat there and listened, I saw very clearly how Noah’s faith was greatly tested as he built, and built and built the ark. Year after year he got up every morning and proceeded to build the ark. For over 100 years he built this ark, in faith, that God would use it as he said he would. 100 years is a long time my friends. But Noah didn’t give up, he didn’t waver he just kept building.
As our pastor eluded to during the message that you wonder how often Noah might have questioned why he was building an Ark. When was the rain going to come as God said. Maybe he would have given up. Why didn’t he? Faith. I believe Noah had great faith and belief that God would deliver and He did.
So how does that relate to a grieving parent? Well it takes great faith to get up each and every day, praying, hoping, believing that God would show me the way through the murky waters of grief to a life that would have purpose again. After Brittany’s death each minute of each day was filled with pain and sorrow. But I carried my bible and I prayed, in belief, that God would carry me through. My faith was greatly tested during this time. Because the mother in me couldn’t see past the grief.
The path was so dark, paved with so many memories that I barely could breathe. As the weeks wore on and my faith continued to wane, I still held on. I know, in looking back, that God’s plan to bring me through a horrible tragedy was there, yet I couldn’t perceive it while in the midst of it. It was my faith that believed that God would help me through to the next day, the next week, the next month. And now, my faith continues, to get through to the next year after year. It’s a process.
Faith is always a process. A work in progress. The weight of grief and the burden it creates is very hard to bear at times. Without faith, I can’t imagine how I could have made it thus far. For it is my faith that I am still moving on, moving forward, still believing that I have purpose. I’m not so sure my purpose has yet to be revealed, but I will continue to have faith that God will show me the way.
In the meantime, I’ll keep waiting for my white dove to show up and tell me it’s time to get off the boat and step into my new purpose.
until next time,