A difficult post.
I find it nauseating that on Mother’s Day, I can no longer celebrate it because it has become a meaningless day for me. I walk past the Mother’s Day card section at the store – I have no one to buy for. I do try and acknowledge my friends and family on this day, but honestly the day makes me sick with hurt. I’m tired of the Mother’s Day commercials. It’s all a constant reminder of what I’ve lost. The magnitude of it all hits me in the pit of my stomach. I cannot wait until it is over so I can move on.
The life I’ve made since the passing of my daughter Brittany has been for the most part productive. Productive is a good term. I love my work and staying busy with school – it all keeps me productive. For the most part I am fairly happy with how things are going. But don’t think for one second, that I think it’s better, or I can dismiss what has happened to me. Not many of you get it and I have learned to accept that. I’ve learned to just nod and keep going, when the comments encouraging me to “count my blessings” or “be grateful” for what I have. Unless you you’ve lost a child – you don’t get to say that. I’m a little over being nice about this now.
I have worked very hard to get through these past seven years. Healing comes in helping others. Writing this blog has been very cathartic and I hope to do more writing in the future. I have been following a few other blogs of moms who have lost a child and I can tell you there is a comfort amongst my fellow grievers that when I find times that I need someone to understand my pain, I know I can come to the blog family and find comfort. We are here to help each other. For the new mom entering this sacred group – your words have been my words; to the seasoned mom who has been on this journey a while – your words help me to know I can make it. We need each other more than we know. Keep writing. Keep telling your story. We want to hear you.
My mom taught me to
be a strong woman.
She taught me to never settle. She taught me to excel
in all that I do.
She taught me that
love of family is paramount.
Happy Mother’s Day Mom. Please give my Brittany a kiss – I miss all so much!
Until next time