So many of you know who follow me that my writing is pure and straight from my heart. I don’t hold back and I keep it real. I also want to make sure that my readers understand something that was significant in my healing journey over the past eight years since my daughter’s passing and that is there is a choice in how we grieve. It may not feel like it when you are in the throes of the moment, and I know that because I was there. I felt alone in my grief. I did not think anyone else could possibly understand the pain that took up permanent residence in my heart. I was wrong. I found out that there are other moms who have suffered this loss and the feelings they had were the same that I had. I found great comfort in the company of those moms and they gave me a way to see through the fog of grief.
So many people have come into my life since that tragic day who have lifted me up in prayer, sat beside me while I wailed, prayed with me when I sat on the floor wanting only to die and have stayed with me all this time. Then there were the authors of a few books that helped me understand my feelings and that journaling was crucial to move the pressure of the pain on my heart to a place where I could return one day and know that I have changed.
God has made it very clear to me that my journey has to be public and that my purpose is to pay if forward. Which leads me to the post I saw earlier on Facebook. Through the permission of my friend Rob, I have included it below:
That thing where you’re thinking on those who have suffered REAL, TRAGIC losses, when the thought gets into the depths of your soul, lodged in your bones and you think to yourself “I can’t even imagine…” the level of sorrow that it must have brought. How did she go on? These are the moments when I realize that despite it all, my road hasn’t been nearly as overwhelming as the self-pity demons (at the various times in my life when I give them a foothold) would like for me to imagine. In comparison, and when it’s really meditated on, the strength that you can see in her, that you can see the unspeakable JOY and PEACE, in spite of the tears, of a woman that’s been stripped bare, with gaping wounds and, instead of self-medicating or running from the pain, has leaned into God with her entire being. It makes you see what power the Lord brings, the resolve, the fortitude, the beauty for ashes, the flat out refusal to give into despair when it would be forgiven… This is not nothing. This is totally something. This is above nature. This is the thing that cannot be denied, or looked over, or be anything else in all of Creation. This is the work of God, this is the power of Jesus Christ. #awestruck
#Hiswaysarehigherthanours – Rob Bowers
Powerful right? God took me back to his post numerous times and not sure why until this morning. What Rob wrote is about could have been about me or any of you. Each time God took me back to Rob’s post I felt compelled to write about this as it would relate to my story. So over the next few posts I will be breaking this down because the loss daughter was not my first loss. I’ve had many. While I don’t truly want to share intimate details I do feel compelled that to understand the gravity of what has happened to me and how I have survived it all – it’s important. It’s important to show that while life can knock you down over and over and over again, you still have a choice to get up and fight back. To make a difference. To use that pain in a positive way to help others.
So stay tuned…..
Until next time
#GodHasMyBack #grief #Loss #pain