I’ve been talking to Brittany a lot these past few weeks. Asking her to help me figure out my purpose. What it is I’m to do. There is so much going on now and feel it’s time to figure out next steps. I’ve wanted to write a book based on this blog and my journey for a while now, but have not been motivated to get it started. Actually I started it years ago and then put it onto the shelf. I keep feeling like I need to pull it down and work on it. So many distractions and it’s hard to find the time. What is the fear? Why am I so hesitant?
So this morning in the early hours, right before my alarm I had the most real like dream about Brittany. I haven’t had one like that in years and it was absolutely wonderful yet the most painful experience. I woke up with the alarm ringing and just wanting to throw it because it interrupted the most beautiful and loving hug from my sweet Brittany.
The dream happened, as it usually does, quick and colorful and very real like. I was walking by a house and a neighbor peeked out her door and waved at me. As I waved back, Brittany peek out of the door and waved at me. I ran so fast to the door opened it up and grabbed her. Gave her the biggest hug and said “Brittany I’ve missed you so much”. She hugged back and said I’m ok mom and I miss you too. Then that damn alarm went off and I burst into tears and cried for a few minutes. I just wanted to go back and close my eyes and continuing hugging her.
I needed that hug and that dream more than ever. I’ve been so lonely without her, more than I could ever say. I know that when I take the time to talk with her and ask for her help, she never disappoints. She came to me in that dream this morning – while it takes my breath away and makes me cry – I am so thankful though for each time she comes to me. It’s not often, but when it does it’s as if it fills me up with love and helps me understand that she is listening to me.
Until next time,
#grief #dreams #loss