Layers of Grief

As Mother’s Day approaches I tend to write the same post each year. Losing my mom was one of the most difficult times in my life. Little did I know that losing my daughter, my only child would top that.

When I reflect on the many layers of loss that I have experienced during my lifetime. Not unlike many of you, those layers can create various levels of response from us especially during holidays.

Understanding that the definition of loss means something very different to many. We often connect death=loss; however loss=can cross many lines. Loss of freedom; loss of one’s rights; loss of health; loss of a job; loss of financial comfort; etc. When you experience a loss of something, your response may be different each time but what we may not realize is it can accumulate over time. Blurring the lines from one loss to another.

Grief is a multi-layered process and experience. Each uniquely different from one’s experience to another. Grief’s layers can at times fold over unto each other creating a confusing and uncomfortable response. The realization that my reaction to a situation may be driven by a loss I experienced in the past.

Layer after layer of grief and loss have molded my beliefs even today. It has bearing on how I respond – which is usually walking away – the pain is just to hard to bare if I stood and faced it. That in and of itself is another form of loss. I’m not sure I ever knew as a child what normal was or should be. As an adult, It has made me grateful for the smaller things. Growing up I did not know if food would be on the table; or clothes for school or toys to play with. As an adult I have faced all of that and have been very successful in creating a great life. But in a dark spot deep in my memories lives this fear of losing it all, again.

Today, I am learning how to respond differently. To redirect my thoughts and feelings. I am grateful for the ability to work and provide those things that I longed for as a child. I take great care of what I have because I know what it’s like to live a life without as a young girl and to loss it all as an adult.

The lesson here is to understand and move forward. To look around, hug those around you. Do not take things or people for granted as they could be gone tomorrow. In this volatile world we find ourselves in – now more than ever being grateful for each moment has become most important. Being bitter and remorseful only brings more loss and misery. Gratitude will bring peace.

Until next time,



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