How many of you get this question?

I dreaded that question when I went back to work as a pre and post op nurse. After my daughter and only child passed away; those moments of nervous talk by my patients, which is totally understandable, hit different when I returned. The first time made me cry and I had to excuse myself. I went into the locker room and balled my eyes out. My boss told me to go home and try again the next day.

Overtime I began to figure out how to respond that didn’t bring pity or apologies. I did not want that for my patients or myself. I just did not want to talk about it.

As I think back, I remember the significance of my boss’ approach to bringing me back to work and how she went about it. I don’t think everyone understands how that made all the difference in my ability to come back into the world after loss and function. I will forever be grateful for her compassion and care.

I posted a video prior to posting this and got some good feedback from some of my followers on how they have addressed this question. I think most parents, respond similarly when asked the question “Do you have children?” Mostly that they have x number of children and 1 has been called home too soon. For those of us who lost our only child, I think it’s important to acknowledge their life on this earth. It’s was very hard for me in the beginning to do that. It was so painful. But as I grew in my grief maturity, I was able to say her name and explain she had passed away without losing my mind. Don’t get me wrong, that took a minute to get to that place in my grief.

Most people are very kind and say they are sorry. Some want to know more and some don’t speak of it again. As a mom, I try and remember I will always be her mother. I will always have a daughter. And I will never apologize for keeping her memory alive in me by speaking her name and talking about her.

Until next time,

M