Category: grief journey

It’s been one week since my daughter’s funeral “celebration of life”. It seems so unreal to me that she is gone. I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a very bad day. I was at a family gathering to celebrate a wedding and I had to leave. I just became so overwhelmed with grief. You see, my daughter was suppose to be there with me. But, again my family supported me through it and came to my rescue.

God has continued to bring me blessings everyday since her death. I said to God in my prayers that I’ve so much hurt and pain in my life, I need to experience some good. I need something positive to happen to restore my value in life. Everyday he shows me that I am worthy and I am loved by him and he grants prayers.

The first prayer he granted:

1. was my daughters passing. Yes, I asked “Lord, if you can’t bring her back to me as she was or better, to take her because she doesn’t deserve any more pain or seizures”  – granted
2. I get 3 days off for a death in family and had no time off available after, prayed for a way to take more time so I could still grieve yet not worry about my bills – granted
3. I prayed for help with bills, guidance in what to do, prayed for people to be here for me and to keep me from going crazy – all granted
4. I pray continually for more guidance as to what I should do next in my life, move back home or stay where I am – a work in progress

I am so blessed by the multitude of friends and family that came to my rescue. There are a few of them that I couldn’t have been able to get though without and they know who they are. God will be blessing them because of their blessings to me. I know that!

God Bless You All – hug your children, your family. You never know when they will be gone. Enjoy them everyday – even when they make you crazy.

until next time,

m

 

God is an awesome God! I have received so many blessings today. My pain and loss is still heavy, but through these many blessings, I can get through another day.

Praise God Through Whom ALL Blessings Flow!

until next time,

m

Sometimes I wander around aimlessly trying to find something, I’m not sure what. My mind is foggy – can’t think straight. Mostly I feel numb to it all. Nothing or no one can prepare you for the emense pain you feel when you lose a child.

My only comfort is in God. He has my girl now and she deserves to be with him. Free of all the pain and suffering.  I received a card today that made me smile:

 

The daughter you loved filled the world with sunshine….

Now, she surely lights the heavens with a radiance that will never die.

 

until next time,

m

 

Now she is gone and I cannot breathe. The fun-filled girl who lived life to the fullest – my love – my joy – my reason for living is gone. My only comfort is that she no longer suffers and she is with God. But I’m so tired…

Today, October 13th, my daughter Brittany passed away from heart failure. She was 17. I mourn for her, yet I know she is now with God and is healthy. No more seizures. No more pain. No more sadness. How wonderful it must be to be in the presence of God and see the beauty of life with no bad.

I’m am very sad. The reason I live is now gone. I feel as if I have lost my identity. I haven’t felt this much pain since my mom died 18 years ago. Now I have buried my mother, my grandmother and now my daughter. God this sucks! It is everything I can do to breathe.

Leaving her a the hospital was the worst. Even though I know she is in heaven with God. The mother in me didn’t want to leave her.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Malissa

Even in the face of adversity and tribulation – keep loving life. It will come back to you. Especially when you need it the most. That is always when you think you need it the least.

In every way, give thanks to God as he has blessed you in so many ways you don’t even know. Remember – It is always easier to be a nay-sayer than to be positive and see the glass as 1/2 full.

until later,

mercedes

 

Detroit Tigers beat the Yanks in 4 games.  Unbelievable run the Tigers have had. Just hope they can keep it together and take it the distance. Never really been a Tigers fan, but I’ve always been a Pudge Rodriquez fan since my Texas days.

Now for the things we knew would happen:

Michigan 6-0 thanks to Michigan State. Grand Valley State wins again.

Great Day for Michigan Sports.

 

 

Breaking Through

Are you stuck, stymied, blocked etc? Read on….

If you spend more time thinking about what others think or their opinions, you might be blocking your creativity.

Having a fear of failure may come from a fear of being judged or mis-judged. Self-doubt can create anxiety and a fear of failure in people who allow others opinions to override their productivity.

The less you look to others for approval of what you do or what you say, the better your chances of letting the creative juices flow and producing a great product.

Remember, at the end of the day it’s you that’s staring back at you in the mirror. Smile and say to yourself  “I can do anything I put my mind to.”

Keep the faith!

until next time,

Mercedes

Being Grateful Inspite of it all!

Don’t concentrate on how bad things are, focus on how good things are. Things could be so much worse than they are right now.

Keep a journal. Try writing everyday. Good or bad! Funny or Sad! Just write! Color! Sketch! Just get it out!

Remember to breathe!!!!!!!

until later,

Mercedes

In light of my past few days, I’m in awe of the incredible amount of energy it takes to get through each day. Especially when it is emotionally charged. Frustratingly difficult and you feel as if no one is listening.

In reading the “Little Book of Moods” by Jane Eldershaw – the book I have been turning to when  I need a lift. Well besides the Bible. Number 27: drained – getting energy! Bingo! Paydirt!

She talks about how emotionally draining people can make you feel tired. Things to check yourself on or think about to help lift yourself up. I’m thinking “I should have taken this book to Cleveland”.

So if you are feeling drained – try some of these great ideas from Jane:

1. appreciate people who know how to be joyful and make you laugh
2. take every day of vacation you have earned
3. take a minute to smell the oranges – citrus and mint help you stay alert
4. stay hydrated
5. feelings are what give you energy – acknowledge them – even the tiring ones
6. your body has to work harder when you aren’t sitting properly.  Sit Up Straight!

my answers to the above:

1. my daughter makes me laugh – she is so funny
2. I’ve already exhausted my vacation – now I’m borrowing someone else’s – lol
3. I did spray my BeautiControl Herbal Mist on my face all the time over these past days to one STAY AWAKE and two, to try and relax
4. if I drank one more bottle of water I might have burst
5. ok ok – can I now have some of the good ones!
6. ok you got me there – I’m a work in progress!

 

Last thought from Sarah Bernhardt

“Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.”

Thank you Sarah!

 

Until next time,

Mercedes