Ok – so I may have been….

A wee bit premature. What an ugly day I’m having. Just keep having waves of grief that keep coming over and over. Not something I have had before. Or at least not in a while.

I did finally send a thank you card to her caregivers at the hospital. Maybe that was what sparked it all.

I’ve been thinking about her all day and how much I miss her. What she meant to me and everyone else. When I was writing out the card – words just cannot express thanks to someone who dedicated themselves to her in the last hours of her life. I saw so much love and compassion there – as a nurse – I was overwhelmed with that. I’m proud to be a nurse and so proud of the staff that cared for her – like she was someone they knew personally. Some of the staff knew of her, or had seen her there before, but it was if family was taking care of her.

God I miss her. She is all I had. Yes – that love will never die – but not be expressed in the same way again. That’s a very lonely prospect. Very lonely.

Defintion: Unconditional love…

for me it was acceptance that I was someone special…..a connection between mother and daughter….a love that always will exist…..a chance to see life through another’s eye without judgment or condemnation. I grew so much being her mom. She showed me far more than I can possibly even communicate. Probably I’m not even aware of some things – because – I still feel her by me at times – teaching more.

God – she was a great kid.

until later,

m

 

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