Entry for January 23, 2007

Now i am home and i went to work today. It was an ok day. I have had this feeling for the past few days that I may lose it. While driving home from the store – tears welled up in my eyes. I can’t write strong enough words to describe the massive amount of hurt that I feel. I keep it nicely tucked away – no one knows. Only God! –

Then when I arrived home to my wretched drive way full of ice chunks – I began to cry more. Then I got the shovel out and began to heave the snow to the side and clear a path for my car. Then I began to cry openly making promises to Brit – “I’ll never forget you” I promise I’ll never forget you. I know sometimes it feels like I’m losing her memories, her voice, her laugh, her everything – it’s all too much to think about. It’s so painful.

Those of you who read this and have children – you are so very lucky. I hope you know how lucky.

My bright sunshine has now been extinguished. My best achievement has now been taken from me. My connection with the future has been changed. There never will be anyone like her. I don’t think I have the capacity to love anyone again. The loss is too hard. I have had so many losses….I don’t want anymore.

4 thoughts on “Entry for January 23, 2007

  1. Im sorry you have to endure this..
    I dont claim to understand,
    but reading through your blog makes me stop and think “to never take your loved one’s for granted!”
    My hugs and thoughts are of you tonight..

  2. you are so sweet -just like your mom. i don’t have family here so it’s tough – thinking about returning to indy for that very reason – someone to hug.

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