One minute I am smiling and enjoying my moment and then BOOM – I’m reeling in grief and can hardly breathe. Try to explain that one to people. If one more person says to me “I understand what you are going through” – I’m gonna scream. My response to them is “have you ever lost a child?” – if they say no – then I say “Then you can’t possibly know what I’m going through.” That was hard for me to say in the beginning. I was afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. Imagine that!

Just a note about what I am going through – this may help you gain some perspective.

Grief is so hard. If you have never experienced this magnitude of loss, there are no rules. It takes you where it wishes, when it wishes and how ever long it wishes.

Now – my faith has kept me going. Without my faith I can guarantee you without any doubt that I would not be here now writing. I would have ended the pain that I continually endure.

I can’t imagine enduring this without God. Without my church family. Without my friends and family. Yet it is one of the loneliest journeys I’ve ever made. And it’s just only beginning.

Yes I did say beginning. It’s only been 4 months. 4 months Tuesday the 13th.