Tug of War

How can I continue to grieve and yet find an occasion to smile?

Isn’t that like a “conflict of interest”?

Some times the grief hangs out lurking for opportune moments to reach out an smack me down!

I sit here looking out a beautiful picture window at a very peaceful landscape and I’m reminded – she has been here with me before. She should be here now. She should be having the time of her life here. She should be hanging with Carolyn and Courtney and ANDY! She should be getting ready for Prom like all her friends. She should be getting ready for college. She should be!

But she is not!

Tell me – how do you make sense out of it. And move forward.

If I look at it from a human perspective – it makes no sense! Not in any way!

But from a spiritual side – it makes absolute sense! She is healed and having the time of her life in heaven with God.

That’s my hope!

But the ache is still aching.
The tears still come hard.
The loneliness is ever present.
The quiet is deafening.

Can you hear it? Can you hear my cries for help? Can you imagine what it must be like?

It’s my hope you will never have to experience this type of grief. But you may. And if you do, I can tell you that it gets better, the pain, but it never stops. You just get used to it. Sorta.

This I do know for sure.

When I try and go it alone, I fall hard. But if I stay in God’s word and keep my focus on him, I fall softer. I get a sense of peace at times – mostly when I need it most.

until next time,


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