what i believed is not what has come to pass

For 31 months now I have lived a life that was not as it seemed. I became two people. One for you and one for me. I put on a face for you to keep the pain at a distance. Mostly because you didn’t understand. You couldn’t and I don’t blame you. But it’s been incredibly hard and with all of the other battles I’ve had to fight the energy has left my body and what has remained is a shell of a person. I’ve glimmers of moments where I thought I could make it throuh, but as it turns out – I cannot. I’m tired. The battle has been more than I can bare. The contant incoming attacks have overcome my abilities to see any future worth pursuing. Yeah maybe I could help others, but when you can’t get a break yourself, it’s hard to extend something you don’t have. Tonight I will re-read Job and then I will sleep.

God Bless You all,

Malissa

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