Today I heard the story of a woman in the bible named Hannah. You see Hannah was married, but was unable to conceive a child, so her husband took another wife in order to have children. This was a tradition back in those times. Hannah prayed often to God for a child, but it didn’t happen. She was made fun of by her husband’s other wife because she was able to give him children.
Eventually Hannah’s prayers were answered and she was given a son. For whom she offered his life to God. His name was Samuel. Hannah was so grateful for the chance to have this child she gave God praise for this child and God clearly had heard her prayers. He answered them in His time. So often His time is not our time.
The reason I’m writing about this is because our pastor asked us today to take a moment during the service and reflect on the story and whether or not we identified with anyone in the story.
As I sat there I thought to myself, yeah – I identify with Hannah on so many levels. Hannah felt that her life was empty without being have to have a child of her own. She prayed a lot, but it took a long time for her prayers to be answered. I could see a lot of parallel in her story and mine.
It took a long time for me to get pregnant with Brittany. Went through many months of testing and drugs and moments when I just gave up. Then I got pregnant. During that pregnancy lost my mother to Breast Cancer. Then one year later nearly lost Brittany to Encephalitis. And now having experienced the ultimate loss of a child, I feel that bareness that Hannah was feeling and that I was feeling. But now it is too late for me to have another child.
The emptiness in my life extends far beyond the borders of just having lost a child; it involves so much more. I lost so much when my daughter died, some of my friends and family know what I am referring to, but I will not got into that now. But it has been a tough road. I know Hannah’s hurt, I felt her pain as I heard her story – I understood her resolve.
But the message I got today is that I have to continue to believe in prayer and that God will give me what I need as I need it. That his plan for me may not be what I think it is, but in time I will have back plus more what has been taken from me. Hannah believed and so shall I.
until next time