Unimaginable Grief Unexpected Blessings

God sends you messages all the time – it’s our choice to listen. One came my way the other day from an unexpected source.

I woke up today thinking of you. I just wanted you to know that even people who don’t really know you are still praying for you. Once all the family has gone home, and life tries to go back to “normal” that is when things become the toughest after losing someone. I’m sure your days are filled with such sadness that I cannot begin to understand. I had a thought I wanted to share with you. During your days, if you see something or hear something that is funny, remember to laugh. Brittany might just be up in heaven sending things her mom’s way to remind you of her. Let her see you laugh. Just imagine your mother filling her in on all the things you might have done or said as a young girl that you may have forgotten while going through Brittany’s teenage years. Imagine them comparing stories, laughing together and dancing. What a joyous occasion awaits you one day to reunite with them. 

I know God was working on this person’s heart to send this message – he knew I’d read my email – and possibly not be listening for his voice. He chose this way and it worked.

until later,

mal

 

Brittany is in heaven singing and dancing, her work here on earth done.

She touched so many people in ways we don’t know. Keep faithful to God’s Promise…we will join her in heaven singing and dancing. Rejoicing in God’s love for us in eternal life without pain and sorrow.

This is what sustains me in my grief. She got the ultimate healing from God. How thankful I am. I do miss her, but it helps to know she no longer suffers.

May God Bless Everyone!

until next time,

malissa

I’m so blessed to work with the best people in the world. They are my second family. They have rallied around me in my darkest hour and provided comfort to me. These days its hard to find a job period; but to have a job you love, get paid for it, work with great people – well – I know I am blessed.

In searching out thank you cards for people, I came across one that really spoke to me:

In this troubled world
it’s refreshing to find
someone who still
has the time to be kind,
someone who still
has the faith to believe
that the more you give,
the more you receive,
someone who’s ready
by thought, word or deed
to reach out a hand
in the hour of need.
– author Helen Steiner Rice

 

To all my friends and family – thank you!

Two weeks ago today and I still can’t believe it. My days are filled with fog and my thoughts random. I roam about not knowing what to do. All I know is I miss you so much! I walk past your room and I look as if I’ll see you there. The pain and sorrow is so consuming. I don’t think anyone can know just how deeply I hurt. Except for God. I know I wouldn’t be standing now, if it weren’t for the blessings of  Jesus and God’s comfort. But it still hurts.

mom

To My Daughter Brittany,

You were the light of my life, now you are gone.

I miss you so much, I can’t hardly bare it.

I’m not sure how I will go on, but I’ll try.

It’s not going to be easy, you were the reason I lived.

I am praying everyday to keep moving on.

I know you are watching over me.

I know you are at peace.

I am so happy for you.

But as for me,

my heart is broken and i am struggling to hold on.

love mom

It’s been one week since my daughter’s funeral “celebration of life”. It seems so unreal to me that she is gone. I have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a very bad day. I was at a family gathering to celebrate a wedding and I had to leave. I just became so overwhelmed with grief. You see, my daughter was suppose to be there with me. But, again my family supported me through it and came to my rescue.

God has continued to bring me blessings everyday since her death. I said to God in my prayers that I’ve so much hurt and pain in my life, I need to experience some good. I need something positive to happen to restore my value in life. Everyday he shows me that I am worthy and I am loved by him and he grants prayers.

The first prayer he granted:

1. was my daughters passing. Yes, I asked “Lord, if you can’t bring her back to me as she was or better, to take her because she doesn’t deserve any more pain or seizures”  – granted
2. I get 3 days off for a death in family and had no time off available after, prayed for a way to take more time so I could still grieve yet not worry about my bills – granted
3. I prayed for help with bills, guidance in what to do, prayed for people to be here for me and to keep me from going crazy – all granted
4. I pray continually for more guidance as to what I should do next in my life, move back home or stay where I am – a work in progress

I am so blessed by the multitude of friends and family that came to my rescue. There are a few of them that I couldn’t have been able to get though without and they know who they are. God will be blessing them because of their blessings to me. I know that!

God Bless You All – hug your children, your family. You never know when they will be gone. Enjoy them everyday – even when they make you crazy.

until next time,

m

 

God is an awesome God! I have received so many blessings today. My pain and loss is still heavy, but through these many blessings, I can get through another day.

Praise God Through Whom ALL Blessings Flow!

until next time,

m

Sometimes I wander around aimlessly trying to find something, I’m not sure what. My mind is foggy – can’t think straight. Mostly I feel numb to it all. Nothing or no one can prepare you for the emense pain you feel when you lose a child.

My only comfort is in God. He has my girl now and she deserves to be with him. Free of all the pain and suffering.  I received a card today that made me smile:

 

The daughter you loved filled the world with sunshine….

Now, she surely lights the heavens with a radiance that will never die.

 

until next time,

m

 

Now she is gone and I cannot breathe. The fun-filled girl who lived life to the fullest – my love – my joy – my reason for living is gone. My only comfort is that she no longer suffers and she is with God. But I’m so tired…

Today, October 13th, my daughter Brittany passed away from heart failure. She was 17. I mourn for her, yet I know she is now with God and is healthy. No more seizures. No more pain. No more sadness. How wonderful it must be to be in the presence of God and see the beauty of life with no bad.

I’m am very sad. The reason I live is now gone. I feel as if I have lost my identity. I haven’t felt this much pain since my mom died 18 years ago. Now I have buried my mother, my grandmother and now my daughter. God this sucks! It is everything I can do to breathe.

Leaving her a the hospital was the worst. Even though I know she is in heaven with God. The mother in me didn’t want to leave her.

Please keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers.

Malissa