It’s taken all day, but it finally happened. I started thinking about Brittany and the tears and sobbing came like a flood. Uncontrolled sobbing has to be cleansing to the soul, because you feel so drained afterwards.

I started out apologizing to Brittany because I try not to think of her as much. Why you ask, because when I do, the thought of living one more minute without her becomes unbearable. It’s easier to just put my blinders on and keep busy, otherwise the grief is like a watershed that flows over me and I begin to drown in my own sorrow. The sorrow is so profound – you cannot imagine. It’s painful to keep going my friends. More painful that you know. More painful than I let on. I show you what you want to see, not what is true.

Remember I’m a nurse, a caregiver – I protect those I love from the bad stuff. Even if it kills me.

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