Author: Grief Blessings

Throughout this blog over the past 3 years I have talked about unmistakable grief and unexpected blessings. I named this blog about grief because I wanted anyone who read it to know that even though you are in the midst of unmistakable grief there are and can be unexpected blessings along your journey.

Sometimes the fog of grief keeps you from seeing the blessings that are surrounding you. The space that envelopes you into what I call the swirling cesspool of grief blinds you to the blessings. It deafens the sound that the blessing makes when it happens.

Yes, blessings make sounds, the sounds of joy when you realize that you are blessed because you have so much, despite feeling as if you have nothing. You see we forget that although we may have lost everything, our homes, our jobs, our loved ones we are still blessed.

We are blessed because we were given those things. Some people never get a home, or a job or experience the love of a child. We forget that it’s not all about us really. It’s about realizing that God gave us these beautiful gifts for a short time, not to have them taken away, but to realize that they were here to move us forward in our journey. The journey towards what God has in store for us.

What’s odd, is sometimes, I still am blinded by my own disbelief. My own fears. My own grief. So blinded that I cannot hear the voice of God speaking ever so clearly that His plan is for me to live a life of abundant blessings. My job is to only believe. To open my eyes and see the gifts that surround me daily.

Yes, my daughter died three short years ago. But she was a blessing to me. A gift from God. She was here to move me forward in the plan that God has for my life. That plan is still very unclear to me today. Yet I know, because I just know, something powerful is about to change. So powerful that even I won’t be able to contain my joy.

Until next time

m

Merry Christmas

Today I chose to write about what Christmas means to me today in comparison to what it meant to me as a little girl many years ago.

I remember many Christmas as a young girl, that gifts under the tree were sparse. My mom was single mother of six children. She worked many jobs just to keep us together as a family. She never took money from sources, other than family, she was a proud mother. She did what she could to provide for us and most importantly to keep us from being separated.

There were times when the state threatened to separate us because we had no money for food and moved a lot. We lived in downtown Indianapolis until I was in about 4th grade. There is so much more about this story, but I’ll save this for another day.

The one thing I do want to say is that Christmas to me growing up was about family and about being together. It wasn’t so much about the gifts. Now my grandmother she always made sure we had gifts under tree, especially when mom couldn’t.  Christmases at my grandmothers and great-grandmother’s houses were – well they were just amazing

When I say family I mean extended family. Every Thanksgiving and Christmas family would come from all over to gather at the Wisehart house for holiday dinner and fellowship. Aunts and uncles, cousins (1st, 2nd and 3rd), grandparents and great grand parents, moms and dads (well except my dad).

We would sit around and eat so much food until we were about to burst. My great grandmother’s Butterscotch Pie was to die for. No one to this date has ever been able to make it the same way she did. I miss those days so much.

Then there was the Christmas’s during my 18 year marriage and life with my sweet Brittany. It was my new tradition. Yes, we did visit my great grandmother’s until those events stopped. Eventually it became too much for her. And after my mom died our family virtually fell apart. So we all had to create our own traditions.

So for 18 years Christmas meant getting up and watching Brittany open up her gifts and jumping for joy. When we were with her father’s family we would hear the Christmas Story from the book of Matthew in the New Testament. You see it was very important to us that Brittany new and understood the true meaning of Christmas. That it wasn’t always about the gifts – however it sure was a lot of fun.

Now I find Christmas to be one of the loneliest days of my life. The people in my life that created all those memories are gone. First my great-grandfather, then my mother, my grandmother, my grandfather, my great-grandmother and most recently my daughter. Just thinking about it makes me cry out in anguish. But then I remember….

The real meaning of Christmas. I would encourage you to read the Book of Matthew in the New Testament. It talks about the wonder of Jesus’ birth – the real reason we celebrate Christmas – it talks about his life – it provides us the way to live our lives – it speaks of His death and His resurrection.

His resurrection is the reason I keep believing that there is a reason I am here and why I keep moving forward one day at a time. Because the resurrection assures me that I will see the family that has gone on before me. The family that helped to create  my Christmas memories early in my life and late in my life; I miss them so much – especially my dear sweet Brittany.

Today is a day to celebrate the birth of Jesus – to remember that God so loved the world that He gave His only son – Jesus.

“Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son and they will call Him Immanuel which means God is with us.” – Matthew 1:23 (NLT edition)

Merry Christmas my friends because even in the midst of our grief there is hope.

until next time

m

Sunday night while attending a Christmas party at my church we were asked to pray for a few of our leaders who happen to be experiencing some very difficult circumstances.

So as we grouped into little huddles to pray for these fellow leaders a sound began to rumble throughout the room of about 100 people. All praying separately for the same people. I know in my group lifting them up to God in hopes that He would wrap His arms around them and give them the strength to get through this tough time.

As we finished, a picture entered my head that was just mind blowing. I just envisioned a flood of light with so many faces, voices, tears, prayers going up into the sky for God to taken in and hear, to feel and to bless.

I was so moved by this vision that I became so cold and shook my head and thought to myself – “wow – that clearly was a picture of prayer like I’ve never seen”. Now you have to know that prayer has never been an easy thing for me. I just finished a class on the power of prayer and still I walked away feeling unsure about it.

Growing up as a child prayer was memory work, repetitive scriptures, liturgical regurgitation at best. But now, my walk with God means I talk with God. I don’t just see it as praying, but I have moments when I just talk to God, as if He was right here beside me in my living room. To me I believe that is when I have the most incredible insight given to me.

Insight that gives me the kind of hope that it takes to keep on living this life that I so clearly don’t want to do somedays. Grief makes life incredibly hard to take. There are days when it makes absolutely no sense. Then other days when I spend more time with God and He clearly shows me that while I can’t make any sense of my daughter’s death, I can make sense of her life and what she came to do.

That I can keep going and know that one day it will all be revealed. So for now I have to settle for spending quiet time with God and have my conversations with Him when I need to feel that I matter. Because at the end of the day – when I look in the mirror and see what I see – a broken-hearted mother – I can also see someone that God loves and wants good things for.

So “What Does Prayer Look Like?” – it looks like love, peace, joy and blessings.

until next time

m

In the best of times….I still cry for you.
Memories are so very present now
this Holiday season…..I still cry for you.

In the best of times…I still cry for you.
Just the simplest of actions drop me to my knees
this Holiday season….I still cry for  you.

In the best of times….I still cry for you.
Remembering your funny comments and
your love of Blues Clues Joke book.
this Holiday season..l..I still cry for you.

In the best of times….I still cry for you.
Watching video of you as a little girl and
as a young woman singing with such joy.
this Holiday season….I still cry for you.

In the best of times….I still cry for you.
I’m so proud of what you accomplished
in your short life, but realizing what you
could have accomplished had you lived.
this Holiday season….I still cry for you.

In the best of times….I still cry for you.
In the worst of times….I long for you.
In this Holiday season….I still cry for you.

In the best of times….I still cry for you.
in my dreams I remember your love
in my dreams I remember your laughter
in my dreams I remember your gifts
but most of all this Holiday season….I still cry for you.

until next time

m

Hope in the midst of grief.

A video that was posted to my church’s website 6 months after her death. It was done to show how much her love of God shinned even through the toughest of times. And how I, even today, have carried that amazing love of God and strength to continue on.

Yes, it is difficult. Yes, at times I feel like I just want to die. Yes, I wish I could have her back again – right now. But as I said in the video then and still believe today that I know I will see her again and that is how I get through each and every minute of each and every day.

The love my daughter had for life despite being chronically ill most of her life still astounds me. I don’t know that I could have been that strong that young. But then again as I look back on my life. I too was a very strong young woman having endured many of life’s hard knocks.

But I am here today to tell you life does go on. Some days aren’t as pretty as others, and some days it seems as though I have taken a huge step backwards in my grief. But I know I have come far and I am still evolving into my “new normal”. The life God wants to me to have now.

Praying for guidance and for God to light my path because the dark days come and go. Knowing that He is with me has given me the lift I need each time to make it one more day. One day I will see my girl again and it will have all been worth it. All the pain, tears, sorrow and grief – will all be wiped away and there will be no more of it. God’s word assures me of that.

until next time

m

I am reposting this entry after having a heartfelt discussion with one of my brothers – this hits home about the importance of validation. At the end of the day – that’s all that really matters – knowing we are loved no matter what. That spending time with the ones you love and treasure validates their existence. It says “you matter to me”.

Validate human life by acknowledging one’s existence at that moment in time. – unknown

I’m not sure where I read this or heard this quote but today I wanted to speak to this issue of validation. It’s been in my mind a lot lately and I need to release this out there.

Susan Duke wrote about what memories mean to a grieving soul. I have read her book “Grieving Forward” so many times, I think there are some parts I know by heart. She speaks about how memories of our loved one are vital to the healing process. But guess what – memories are just that – memories. You can’t see them, feel them, touch them, hug them – you can only recall – it’s what you chose to do with that memory that’s important.

That’s where validation comes in. Validation is acknowledging that something or someone exists or existed. Validation that our loved one existed allows us to create some sense of “yes, I really did have that person in my life” – and even though they are gone, you are the person you have become because of having that person in your life.

Validation is a gift we give one another to acknowledge that we care. We may not know what to say or we may not know what to do; but we can come and walk along with our grieving friends and family. Being there and present speaks volumes to a grieving person. Until you have walked in a grieving person’s shoes you will never know just how much validating their loved one means to their healing.

Think of validation as your gift to them.

until next time,

m